In India, having children is not a desire. It is a progression
of steps.
Step 1: Grow up to a be a well earning man and an educated
woman. A woman is not obligated or
motivated or desired to have a job, to have professional aspirations. We like
the home-maker female. If a woman works, great, but that doesn’t entitle her to
have opinions and decision making powers.
Step 2: Get married. This is a whole lot of work. Mostly
according to your parent’s choice because obviously the marriage is about them,
their status, their aspirations not your life. (If you thought of the latter,
then you must be from the ‘progressive family’. Ah! How I hate the progressive.
Step 3: Have a child. This is also a whole lot of work,
physically for the mother and financially for the father. We are very clear
that we want the woman to never ever think of money, financial independence. We
take that stress on a woman very seriously. Why should she? She has a husband
after all. And if the husband can’t provide, then there are definite questions
about his masculinity.
After the first 3 are done, you are considered a happy
family, the perfect ‘man’ with a ‘perfect’ family. (We are very generous/casual
with the adjectives these days and we use them in superlative only, awesomest
couple, Handsomest man I have ever seen) (Also, as an after thought I wonder,
having already seen the best in world and spent the words on it, do these
people live anymore or see anything new?) In process, the man would have bought
a house and added an extra star on his greatness.
There are numerous books in the bookstores, amazons and
flipkarts on ‘parenting’. But trust me there is no rule book. I am guilty of
saying it without having borne a child because according to me it is analogous
to books on ‘How to be an adult?’, ‘How to be an excellent daughter?’, etc. Not
worthy a look, books. Life is in an ever spinning change, there is no rule book
that can help. The rule books come with the Macs and Samsungs, not humans. If it
had to, then I am sure a baby would have been sent with one tied to its
umbilical cord by the Lord.
So, oblivious of everything years pass on and given that one
earned, parents take their children to the best of English medium schools,
colleges and ensure that they have academically bright students. They may on
the sidelines have hobbies of arts, music, sports, etc. but those are strictly ‘hobbies’.
Please do not confuse them with things you (the child) want to dedicate your
life and time to. It doesn’t pay, it doesn’t earn them respect amongst their
peers, it doesn’t get you married. Trust me, the parents have their list
sorted. It exists and it is the universal truth, like the ‘sun rises in east’.
That kind of truth.
What parents do not realize or take cognizance of in the
process is that time passed and children grew with the times. The ideas, views
opened up; especially for their children, girl and boy alike. So one day, when
the same daughter stands in front of them with an opinion, they are left
dumbstruck. At first it is admiration that my daughter is well aware about
G.K., news events but when one sees that this persists it is horror; of the worst kind.
How did that happen? More importantly, when did that happen? She was right
under our nose and she grew wings; of the worst kind? She wants to have a
career, live independently, talk to all human beings alike, treat everyone
alike, try different experiences without fear, love the man of her choice? Is
this even permitted? Ah! The permit giving agency strikes again. Society. (Sorry, I didn’t
mention it earlier) (Society shall be discussed later, at length)
As children we are always trying to stay in touch with our
parents, bring them up to date with things in our life. We respect them very
much for being our parents, for giving us the education (the one weapon which according
to them probably did us more harm than good). At no point in time, do we want
to leave them or abandon them or not care about them. But we do want to live
our lives, our way. If we make mistakes, we want it to be ours. If we are
victorious, we want to share it with you. If we are happy, we want to share it
with you. We are not leaving you behind, we want you to be with us in our times,
in our happiness. Just be open to walking with us and not taking us back into time
and passages you walked through to bring us here.
P.S.
This is a rambling note. No apologies extended.
